I took on that assignment with pleasure. Here is my letter to the author:
Dear Ms. Lyris,
Rarely do we see such talent. Your provocative characters and intense drama kept us deeply engaged until the brilliant ending, after which we felt the need to plant forests and work at soup kitchens.
To be blunt, your stories have brought us the personal transformation and transcendence we might otherwise have spent a lifetime seeking.
On behalf of the Journal we must reject your submission on the grounds that our readership is simply not mature enough for this sort of insight. We're sure you understand.
Should you decide to submit again you might consider something more light-hearted. We understand that Dr. Isaac Asimov wrote limericks in between Nebula and Hugo acceptance speeches. Perhaps you can do likewise.
Sonia Lyris, Editor
Ahhh, satisfaction! I have my rejection, finally, from this most prestigious publication. I ask you: is there any reason for me to seek further rejections from lesser publications?
For those who want to hear about my non-rejections, please sign up at my publications mailing list.
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